Monday, May 13, 2013
The Avett Brothers sing, "Just do your best."
Well, what if my best isn't good enough?
That is a song too, right?
I have really been beating myself up lately about my best just not being good enough. I played sports in high school and was always my worst critic. I didn't want to just be good, or the best on my team, or the best in the district, or state... I wanted to be IT! The best ever. I knew that wouldn't happen. I let that desire eat me alive and practically kill my softball career.
I would wake up in the morning after a game and immediately scroll through the Sports section of the local paper.
What did it say about me? How was my pitching? How are my stats?
My performance controlled me. I hated it.
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The truth is someone will always be better.
Someone will be more talented.
More disciplined.
More focused.
More successful.
Someone will always run faster than me. Much faster. Twice as fast even.
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| I think I just got lapped :) |
Someone will be a better Zumba instructor. Lots are way better than me. I am average at best.
I love Zumba. I absolutely love it. I am smitten with it. I have so much fun. I am so proud of my class. I want other people to love Zumba as much as I do.
Why be so hard on myself when I am doing what I love?
I let comments replay over and over in my head.
At the gym I work at, they used to have an AWESOME Zumba instructor, or so they keep telling me.
"She had 40 people in her class."
"She was a professional dancer for 30 years."
I think that is great! I envy her success. Awesome for the gym and for that class.
Why am I not as successful?
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I started my Zumba class from nothing. I started with 4 or 5 faithful gals and now have 10-13. I should be proud. I am proud. I am grateful for those faithful ladies who come and make up my classes each week. I can't help but wonder if I am the reason for my lack of success or lack success by my standards.
Why don't I have 40 people in my classes?
Am I not fit enough?
Do I not lead well enough?
Is it not challenging enough?
I am discontent and no matter what happens I always long for more.
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As ridiculous as it sounds, I can share these feelings in the blog world too. True, I am new here and it is way out of my comfort zone to be so incredibly transparent with strangers. "Hello, I'm Becky. We've never met but here are the things I suck at so bad in life."
It has been good for me to blog but even still I size myself up and don't feel fit, glamorous , or cool enough to be in this arena.
I'm not cool enough. If you get this, we ARE best friends as of right now.
Hello this is 8th grade and I sit with the Art Freaks.
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| Mean Girls reference if you don't get it :) |
I shouldn't be so concerned with what people think of me. I am trying to teach my son the opposite. Be yourself. Love what you do. Work to please God and not men. Find out what you love and work hard at that!
Forgive me friends for not just loving running, teaching Zumba, or writing this blog. Forgive me for wanting praise and affirmation, for wanting to not just enjoy fitness but to prove myself and find life in it.
If I am running, teaching Zumba, and blogging for the praise of man I have it all wrong.
" So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God."
1 Corinthians 10:31
Do what you love.
Do it because you love it.
Do it for no one else.
Do it for you ( and to God's glory!)and be proud of yourself.
Soli Deo Gloria. ( To God Alone Be the Glory)
If you are working hard and committing to be fit, whatever small steps you are taking or small goals you have achieved you should be thrilled. I am thrilled for you. Let's be on the same team here!
This is a messy place for me to be. Thanks for hearing reading my thoughts as I process them. Why can't doing what you love be good enough?
Philippians 4:11-13
New International Version (NIV)
11 I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. 12 I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. 13 I can do everything through him who gives me strength.
(Boldness mine)
How should we measure success??
Am I alone here??
I would love to hear your thoughts.
I feel the same way often. I call it the 'I-don't-know-what-I-want-to-be-when-I-grow-up crisis'. It's a terrible feeling. Then I remind myself that God loves me, my family loves me, I am blessed and my life is good. I am getting better at getting over the feeling as the years go by. Good luck!
ReplyDeleteThanks for the encouragement!
ReplyDelete